The Rosy Glow Of The Second Trimester

So the sickly, secret First Trimester is behind me- Hallelujah!- and I am entering the notorious Second Trimester! 

Notorious for being the time when a gal feels her best during pregnancy. The sickly haze of the First disappears, the discomfort of the Third still seems far away, hormones make your hair thick and lush and you are blessed with a glow that will make you feel radiant and beautiful...

Well, I haven't got that far yet. I still feel queasy, my hair looks raggedy, my skin is spotty and glowless, and my bump still isn't big enough to really show off- so I just look fat.

I'm not complaining (really), I just feel a bit agitated I guess. Now that the excitement of the scan and announcing our news to everyone is over, I am feeling a bit impatient (impatient is my middle name) for the rest of the pregnancy to whizz along. 

I don't love being pregnant like some women do. I don't relish feeling sick or tired or achey, and I hate waiting! We have 7 weeks till our next scan so I just need to focus on taking things a day at a time until then. 

I'm super excited to find out whether Bean is a boy or a girl (obvs we're finding out- like I said impatient is my middle name!) and to start buying stuff for him/her and start decorating the Nursery! Only 48 days to go!!!

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OMG have just read that whatever mood I'm in affects my blood, which travels to the baby and then affects the baby's mood! 

When I feel happy, Bean will feel happy too. When I feel calm, the baby will feel calm and contented.

Now I knew it was bad to get stressed during pregnancy but I didn't really know why. Apparently when you're feeling stressed the baby picks up on the tension and it's little heartbeat quickens with worry. Babies who have stressed mothers are more like to be have problems after birth and are more difficult to settle. 

I knew that foetuses can sense their Mother's moods but I didn't know to what extent it actually affected their own mood!

Now I am armed with this knowledge I am going to try and keep as calm as possible, and will make time for Pregnancy Yoga, Pilates and Meditation. I don't want little Bean to feel stressed poor lamb! (And I want him/her to be a good lil sleeper too!!)

...Well keeping de-stressed lasted long! Headed to Boo's Pre-School Fete convinced that I had put my keys in my bag (I have a genuine memory of doing so) but when we got home it transpired that I had not and neither of us had keys. My Mum has a spare but they were on holiday. No windows were open as I had been vigilant in making sure no one could get in, including ourselves apparently! 

So in the end DaddyBear had to smash the glass pane in our front door. My keys were just on the shoe cupboard- not in my bag- Whoops! Bloody baby brain! Now we're going to have to fork out to get that fixed just as I'd been moaning about not having any money as well! Typical!

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I keep crying at everything; 

-A family deciding they were going to give life in New Zealand a go on 'Wanted Down Under'

-The demolition of Didcot Power Station

-The sad book I'm reading had me sobbing my heart out

-Seeing The Queen officially open Reading Train Station

-The finale of 'I Wanna Marry Harry'

-Whenever Boo throws a paddy

-Several episodes of 'Dinner Date'

-A YouTube clip of a little girl being given a puppy for her birthday

-Recieving a Bravado bra set to review- finally some comfort!!!

-DaddyBear calling to say he's going to be back even later than planned from his night away- joy!

-Another episode of 'Wanted Down Under' 

-'One Born..' obvs

-Hubs returning home with a bottle of my favourite wine because it was on offer- to save until I can drink again- the tears were of devastation at not being able to drink it right this second.

-Hubs eating half my chocolate cream mirangue cake- bastard!

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When having a discussion about money, and our lack of it, DaddyBear suggested I buy second hand maternity bras. 

Not. Impressed.

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Am really craving Mexican food. Really really badly. Anyone got a burrito??!

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Wine... I miss wine. It's so bloody hot and I would kill (not really) for a chilled glass of Cloudy Bay Sauv Blanc!

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Jesus my skin is spottier than a teen on heat's! 

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Wahoo! I've just realised I'll get a bit more Child Benefit when Bean is born! Hurrah hurrah that means he/she can go to Baby Sensory like Boo did! (God I miss those lovely classes!) Yippee Yippee!! 

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Ok so I'm now 15 weeks and the nausea has definitely subsided- hurrah! I seemed to have switched now to feeling really full up at lunch time and barely having room to eat anything, and then become ravenous at about 4 until bedtime! Definitely preferable to the evening sicky feeling! And my parents are taking Boo for the weekend so that we can start getting Bean's bedroom ready- eeek!!!- and as I'm feeling better it means Hubs is going to take me out for dinner Saturday night- lovely!! (Although the absence of wine will make me sad).

Another feature of this trimester seems to be total and utter delusion and denial about what is going to happen in a few months. 

I genuinely feel excited about the prospect of going through labour again (WTF is that about?? Am sure I'll snap out of it as it draws nearer!)  

I also think this baby is going to be an 'easy' baby. I know, I know- total denial! My Mum claims that she found her time as a new mother a piece of piss and for my whole life had me convinced that she was right and everyone else, who said it was the hardest job in the world, was wrong. When Boo was born and reality struck I could honestly have throttled my Mum for feeding me such guff! Having a new baby is fucking hard! However, my past experience seems to have left me and I once again am in a little dream world where my second baby just slots into life as it is now, because that's what second babies do right?? They can't have as much attention as the first had, so they're just happy with what they do get. So that's what I'm expecting, a lovely contented little soul who will just fit right in without a fuss (God I'm setting myself up for a fall!).

So the second trimester glow is definitely catching up with me now, but I'm still spotty and my hair is still shit.

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Hormones are rife atm! Boo is currently at my folks' for the weekend so DaddyBear can clear his crap out of Bean's room and I can decorate it (Painting is not DB's fortay). This morning I woke up and cried because Boo wasn't there to cuddle, and it made me think about when she eventually leaves home and will never be there to cuddle again (oh God I'm off again *sob sob sob*). Logically I know this is a looooooong way off, and as DB points out, she will be a surly teen/young adult by then and I might not want to cuddle her as much (but I'm sure I will), but I can't bear the thought of it atm! Counting down the minutes till Boo gets home- only 420 to go!!!

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Was just talking to Boo about the baby and all the things they'll be able to do together and she says "ooooh I'm so excited to be a big sister!!!" - total heart melt moment.

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This is SO me at the moment!!! Only have a handful of items I actually fit in!

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Came out of the shower this morning to hear Boo singing- "I'm singing Postman Pat for the baby!" - she is such a sweetheart! I can't wait for them to meet!

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I feel like I'm living on the toilet. I constantly need it all the live long day and  never feel satisfied afterwards (and I'm talking number 2s not just number 1s). It makes me feel like crap all day - pardon the pun! 

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Oooh I was just resting my hands on my tummy and felt the baby properly kick my hand! It's first proper kick! At 18+1 weeks! Exciting! Feeling the movements and kicks is by far my favourite thing about pregnancy- so glad this phase is starting properly now!!!

....

So we have our anomaly scan tomorrow and although I am mega excited about seeing Bean again, I'm also a bag of nerves. 

I've been busying myself with Nursery decorating to keep my mind off it- it's starting to come together and I love it! 

I'm nervous, not because I'm worried anything will be wrong- I've been feeling Bean  wriggling regularly and he/she looked perfect on the last scan- but because we'll finally know whether Bean's a boy or girl. We'll finally know what our family is going to be. 

This is definitely going to be our last baby (unless the universe has other plans and bestows us with an accident!) and so tomorrow we find out the final piece to our family puzzle. And in turn, will find out if we're never going to have a son.

I'm fully expecting them to tell us Bean's a girl, and truthfully I'll feel a bit of a loss if they tell us otherwise, as I have imagined Bean being a girl right from the very beginning. But if the sonographer confirms my suspicions, I have to admit I will also feel a loss, that I will never experience raising a son. I grew up with one sister, and desperately longed for a brother so I always imagined myself as a Mother to boys.

Obviously I know that the most important thing is that Bean is healthy and happy, and that, absolutely, is the most important thing to me. I think it's just the finality of it. 

With Boo I was expecting her to be a boy, but I always knew we'd try for another baby so the possibility of having a boy was still open. This time, if they say "it's a girl!", that will be it. Case closed. No sons for us. If that does happen I know I will treasure my daughters just as much as I would any sons- it's just the loss of the experience of raising both a daughter and a son that I may mourn.

We shall see...

Thanks for reading,

MummyBear X