When Should We Have Another Baby??

On Sunday evening I was chilling out in Boo's playroom while DaddyBear cooked dinner and Boo ran between the two of us bringing us 'cups of tea' from her play kitchen. I felt so calm and happy and a thought popped into my head, 'Why don't we start trying for another baby no, tonight!. I sidled into the kitchen innocently and made the suggestion to DaddyBear, expecting him to laugh it off and say 'no way'. But to my surprise, (and slight horror!) he actually considered it! And it became a real discussion! 

Before we got pregnant with Boo we thought we wanted to have 4 kids, and as we are relatively young starting out, thought it would be nice to have a bigger age gap between them than the standard 2 years. So that we could get to know each one and have quality time with them before being thrown back into the all consuming newborn phase again! Since having Boo, and seen the reality of child rearing, we both laugh heartily at our idea of having 4, there is no way I am having more than 2, and even that is pushing it! Aside from feeling like it would be too difficult to cope with, I also want my children to be doing the same kind of things at the same time and not have one off at football practice, and another one still breastfeeding! I know it works for some, and that's great, I really think they must be super mums! It's just definitely not for me- I'm highly strung as it is!

So as we planned on only having 2 we thought about what the best age gap would be. We wanted them to be close enough in age that they would be friends, and play pals, to each other, but not too close that it felt like a rush and overwhelming. I did a lot of research into this and read several articles that suggested that the 'ideal' age gap would either be:
- Under 1 year, so that the first born hasn't become so aware, and used to having all the attention.
Or
- 4 years, so that the first born has had a great deal of solo love and attention and is old enough to be beginning to feel naturally more independent anyway.

Under 1 year was out of the question for us, there is just no way I could have coped and I wouldn't want to just have my 2 babies and that stage of my life be over so quickly. I want to savour having little ones, and I am young enough that I don't have to worry about my biological clock either.

So we decided on roughly a 4 year age gap. (Roughly because I don't want to have a baby at the same time as her birthday, and I don't want a summer baby either, as that would mean I'd have a whole year less with it at home before it starts school) That meant I'd have lots of bonding time with my Boo, would have her settled into a few sessions of Pre-School a week, she'd have about a year at home with the new baby before she started school, so it wouldn't feel like we were packing her off straight away while I looked after the new baby. 

So our original plan was to start trying for a second baby after Christmas this year, aiming for a Sep/Oct/Nov 2015 baby.

We set aside 2014 for catching up with friends and going on big holidays, now that Boo is old enough to be left more often and big enough to go on a plane without me having a nervous breakdown, and before I get pregnant again and it starts all over!

When I mentioned to DaddyBear about bringing it forward, I said that I thought Boo was ready to be a big sister, (she dotes on other babies and is really mature for her age, most of the time!) and he agreed and said that he worries that a 4 year age gap might be too big for them to be proper friends. This threw me into a spin of different emotions. I felt nervous about considering changing our plan- I am a big forward thinker and control freak and have never gone 'off-plan' for anything! Everybody always tells me you can't plan these things and the 'life is what happens when you're busy making other plans', but it just hasn't ever been like that for me, everything has always gone to plan, so the thought of 'messing' with the plan does scare me. I also felt guilty about the possibility of making the 'wrong' decision for both Boo and our future baby. 

There is 2 1/2 years between my sister and me, and yeah, we got on great when we were young, but since we turned teens we have not been close at all. So I'm not convinced that having them close together will mean that they will automatically be friends.

I took to Twitter to see what experiences others have had with their children's age gaps. 
@ADayInDadsLife has 3 little ones with a 2 year gap between each, and says it's difficult as they are all young, but thinks it's a nice gap to have.
@scotspanda has 6 years between her 2, but thinks that's a bit much and 4 may be just right.
@CupcakeMumma11 has 3 years between her 2 and says this works perfectly for her.
@BecomingaSAHM is currently deciding herself what age gap to have between her first born and her second, she thought she would go for 2 years, but having seen the reality of that withe friends and family now thinks 2 1/2-3 years would be better.
@Mummyprobs has 22 months exactly between her little ones and says it's perfect for her, but believes any age gap can work well.
@mummy_blog will be finding out in a few weeks what a 3 year age gap is like- Good Luck lovely!
@Theswan_project has also got 'age gap' on the brain and yesterday blogged about her little ones' 15 month age gap, and how it's the perfect gap for them, even with the unwelcome, shocked reactions they've had to it; Mind The (Age) Gap! 

I was quite surprised at the variety of age gaps, that seem to work for everyone! A few of my Mummy friends are currently having their second babies, with a 2- 2 1/2 year age gap, in fact Boo and I met one of the new additions to the group this morning! 2 years definitely is too little a gap for me, but obviously that gap has passed now anyway. 

Really the choice we have to make, (taking into account holidays and events and time of year), is whether to start trying this May, for a Feb/March/April baby, and have a just over 3 year gap, or stick to our original plan and have a nearly 4 year gap??? What do we think??

DaddyBear and I are both leaning back towards our original plan ATM, as Boo having a rough time this week with teething, and we are being reminded of what a bad night's sleep feels like!

Would love to hear more of your experiences, and advice! 

MummyBear X